Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Aliens, My GPS, and Children's Toys

I may sound crazy, but I’m pretty sure that extraterrestrials have taken over my GPS and all the toys of every kid I know. When I start on this particular monologue people generally laugh and tell me I have thought too much about the whole situation. I am SERIOUS!!! But, just in case you need more convincing, I have proof.

Case one
When my sister was little enough to have children’s toys, I saw this first hand. There was a fishbowl, a clear plastic bowl with little plastic fish suspended in the plastic. The bowl made noise and lit up, and it had an on/off switch. When the toy became too annoying to bear, (you know how children’s toys are; fantastic for the kiddo but obnoxious to anyone else), the switch was turned to “off” without telling my sister. This should have ended the problem, right??? WRONG! This fishbowl continued to light up and make noise at all hours of the night and day. It continued working like it was on when the switch was set to “off”. Naturally, we took the batteries out to see if maybe the switch was just stuck in “on”; it wasn’t. This did not stop the problem and the toy continued to make its gurgling noises that were supposed to imitate swimming fish. Eventually we gave the toy to Good Will because it managed to freak my sister out also. There is probably a perfectly good explanation for this toy, but I prefer to think that the aliens were trying to communicate with my little sis (you know, because she is the youngest and most impressionable, so they will be able to melt her mind or whatever most easily)

Case two
If you have a GPS then I really don’t think you should put up any argument to this. I think that the E.T.s have capitalized on the fact that many members of the human race are “directionally challenged”. I am one of these people, I can get lost going five miles down the road. My navigational confusion causes me more than a little anxiety, so I rely on my GPS to get me from A to B; and that is where the aliens come into play. When I really don’t know where I am going and the GPS is my only hope, I tend to blindly follow it. No paying attention to road signs or questioning that turn it just told me to make. If other people are like me then the little green men could be capitalizing on this epidemic of GPS reliant driving. Up in space the aliens are probably messing with the satellites that are feeding information to the GPS and suddenly your trip to the zoo is a trek to the mother-ship, and you wouldn’t know until they were probing your cranium. This could happen to me! In my complete reliance on the little piece of technology attached to my windshield I could”turn around as soon as possible” into an outer worldly being’s laboratory (anyone else think about Dexter when trying to spell la-bor-a-tory?). I should be more like my grandfather, if he doesn’t know how to get somewhere he just busts out the atlas-much better plan.

So, what is the moral of the story here?
Buy your tots some toys without batteries, books are always a good option.
When you feel that you are driving down the wrong side of a dark highway thanks to your GPS, trust your gut; also, always press no when asked if you would like unpaved roads to be calculated into your route.

As a side note, I think my Siamese cat may have something to do with the apparent alien conspiracy surrounding my life. I don’t have proof of this, but if you knew him or any other Siamese cat then you would understand what I mean.

I’m not chasing spaceships or anything, merely speculating on some pretty sketchy things about everyday life.

A completely unrelated picture.
Although, your GPS could take you to mountains that look like this...

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